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Posted by on Aug 5, 2014 in My Family | 7 comments

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Maternity leave loneliness

Maternity leave loneliness

I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to publish this post as it seems such a selfish and trivial way to feel about my maternity leave – a time that I should be cherishing. But I have to admit that being on maternity this time round I’ve found myself feeling extremely lonely and isolated from the everyday world.

Each day I spend my time washing, cleaning, breastfeeding, changing nappies, completing the everyday mundane chores day in day out. I try to break the habit, taking the odd walk with the pram, a visit to the shops or a trip to the park….. but again it’s just me and L. As much as I love my boy and spending time with him whilst on maternity, I crave the company of other adults to speak to and most of all, my working life.

Work. Dare I say I miss work. Miss working with my fab team in Nursery, miss mixing with the children I teach. I will be missing the start of the school year – the most important time for me as a teacher and it makes me feel sad that I won’t be there to welcome and settle in my new little ones.

I’m torn by the expectation that I should be enjoying the time I have with L versus wanting to go back to work. But what I have realised is that I’m not just a mum but a person in my own right and my work as a teacher helps define who I am and at the minute I feel a little lost without it in my life.

I know now that I am not cut out to be a stay at home mum. It’s not in me as a person – I find being a stay at home mum much harder than working! My hat goes off to those mothers who do it full time. I think it takes a certain person to do it full time….. and that person just isn’t me.

Please don’t judge me. I’m already judging myself as the guilt of wanting to leave my baby earlier than I planned eats away at me, as I crave the normality of working life again.

Am I selfish? Am I stupid for wanting to go back to work? All I know is that if I carry on being at home then I’m going to resent the time left I have on maternity, so I’ve decided to return to work 2 months earlier…

Only time will tell if I’ve made the right decision. But at the minute, it feels right for me and hopefully right for my little family.

 

7 Comments

  1. It’s now 4.18am I have just done a feed with my baby boy and read your blog. I am starting along the same thought process as you. I’m lucky because my sister is of with me and I still feel the loneliness and “groundhog day” feeling from the everyday chores. Thanks for posting pretty much all of your writing post baby feels like I could have written them myself xxx you do what’s best for you. A happy mummy= a happy family xx

    • thank you hun! And I’m glad I’m not on my own! xxx

  2. I totally understand. I felt the same with my second. We’d just moved house to a new area, 8 weeks after giving birth and I felt quite isolated and alone. I craved adult company and the daily routine of work. Try to take the time to recharge your batteries, it’s hectic when you do return, especially with the home / work balance! That’s what people said to me and I see now how true it is :) x

    • thank you hun! I will make sure I *try* to get that work home life balance right! x

  3. Not selfish at all. I found the first four months of Mat Leave really lonely and looking back on it, pretty repetitive. The good news was that it got better over time and by month nine, when I went back to work, I was at peace with the balance I was getting. I’m lucky – my daughter loves nursery, always has, and I love taking her there and working! If she was unhappy there, I think it’d make it harder. Don’t feel selfish – any independence you provide your children with is a skill they’ll cherish in later life, as far as I’m concerned!
    Eleanor (thebristolparent) recently posted…Never shut the back door – why saying goodbye to the pre-motherhood you is a bad ideaMy Profile

  4. Missing September is the strangest feeling – tho my babies were teeny tiny so it was no hardship.
    Hope you are able to enjoy your time more now that you’ve made a decision x
    Colette B recently posted…A long overdue Summer Bucket List update!My Profile

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